Alcoholism is a disease that affects every member of the family, to the extent that the kids who make it into the Alateen rooms report they generally have more problems dealing with the non-drinking parent than they do the alcoholic.
What? I don’t have a problem! He… him… he’s the alcoholic! He’s the one who is in trouble all the time! He’s the one who causes all the problems…
True, but he’s also predictable. Kids can read the alcoholic like a book.
They know exactly when it’s the right time to ask for extra money, or to go somewhere with their friends, and also know when it’s time to make themselves scarce and get out of the way. They know the routine as far as the alcoholic is concerned. But they never know where the bedraggled non-drinking parent is coming from next.
One minute she (or he as the case may be) is screaming at the alcoholic — threatening him with everything from from divorce to death — and the next minute she may be compassionately rescuing him from the consequences of his latest episode — dutifully cleaning up his messes, making excuses for him and accepting an increasing degree of unacceptable behavior.
The reality of alcoholism changes the life of the entire family, the attitudes and thinking of everyone changes perhaps more dramatically than it does for the drinking spouse and is often hard to recognize. Why? Because it creeps up slowly.
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